The Turks Vacation- Part 1
by RingWraith
Summary: My first real Fic on this sight! Just R&R, you know you want to...


The Turks Vacation- Part 1  
  
  
My First Fanfic worked out alright, so I'm writing this one as a follow up. As the name implies, this fic is after they've escaped the North Cave (Disc 2) . I'm trying to make it as good as possible, by making everything go wrong. It might take a few chapters, though, so I hope you like long stories.  
  
Author's Note:  
A couple of you may have noticed the words 'Angelicorn #2' in the songfic 'Cloud's Mambo No. 5' I guess I have to give you an explanation. Angelicorn #2 is my younger brother. He is a complete weirdo. At 8 years old, he insists he is older than me. He started in the Anime section, on Evangelion. He was rejected though, as he is a terrible writer, and just doesn't know how to pick a good topic.  
I will tell you now. You can look at his Fics. They are terrible.  
After my more recent Reviews, however, I know I picked the right place to write. He is continually trying to sabotage my work, so if the words turn up again, ignore them. They are the work of a demented tryhard, who can't even remember how to spell Cloud's name. It is his life work to make you hate me, but I will try not to let that happen.  
Comprendez?  
If yes, then read on. If no, still read, but you'll be the one wondering what happened to my Fic.  
  
Alternate Note:  
He is trying to sign my work. Ignore that, and look at the Author part.  
  
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"Costa De Sol?! What are you on about? The OBVIOUS choice is the Icicle  
Village!" Reno registers his surprise at Tseng via an exclamation and an instant flare in temper.  
  
"Icicle Village is too cold. Let's go to Wutai, I want to see that Yuffie again." Rude puts in his bit.  
  
"Forget Wutai! I've got to gain some experience, you know I'm the crappiest battler of all of us! Let's head off to Mideel! I still haven't found the white chocobo I lost last time we were there!" Elena is now in the argument too.  
  
"As a matter of fact, vacations are too expensive. We need to cut back, so I'm blowing all bonusses, vacations, and raising Mako rates 20% in every city, town and country." Rufus looks smug.  
  
"You can't stop us! We're the Turks!" Reno whips out his mag-rod.  
  
"Yeah! Not to mention your father would only ever raise the rates 15%! You're just being mean!" Tseng is more diplomtic.  
  
Rude balls his hands into fists. "Tseng, you think too much. Rufus, we're taking a vacation, and like it or not, you can't stop us."  
  
"Oh can't I? Gaurds!"   
  
Several blue suited gaurds appear, and try to haul Rude off. Rude just laughs, and punches each of them in the head. They slump to the floor, out cold.  
  
"Rude!! Now you're just being selfish! You didn't even leave one for me!" Reno's mag-rod crackles.  
  
"Sorry Reno. You can have the next bunch." Rude looks regretful.  
  
"Damn! SOLDIER: First Class 1A, here now!" Rufus is now looking at the Turks as if they are traitors that must be disposed of.  
  
"Reno, please, just one?"  
  
"Oh, alright. Stop your snivelling. But remember, only one. No more."  
  
Rude brightens."Thanks, Reno!"  
  
A squad of 5 SOLDIER 1As appear, with hooked arms and everything.  
  
"Wheeeee!"  
Rude happily leaps forard, fist flying, and one SOLDIER bites the dust.  
Reno's Mag-Rod flashes and crackles, as it is used repeatedly on the hapless SOLDIERS.  
  
"What?? Low Mako Batteries??"  
  
Rude grunts.  
"Should've used energizer, idiot. Why don't you get a power cable for that thing?"  
  
"I know. It takes 8 AA batteries just to start this thing. For some reason I like it, though. Oh well. Rude, Tseng, Elena, you can have the rest."  
  
Elena: "Can't you see I'm applying makeup?!"  
She is. In the blue office suit so commonly adapted by the Turks, Elena is rummaging about, trying to find lipstick.  
"And fighting might mess up my hair, anyway.  
  
Tseng: "I can't be bothered. C'mon, try to hurt me. Puny SOLDIERS."  
They rush him, but he's cast barrier and his magic is 999, so they can't even touch him. He laughs.  
  
Rude: "I don't want to be by myself. It's not fun that way."  
  
Rufus: "Just get them out of here."  
  
And the remaining SOLDIERS (about 5 of them) seize the opportunity to gain a promotion and rush them from all sides.  
  
"Which one first?"  
The head SOLDIER is at a complete loss.  
  
"We'll take the girl. Give the other lot time to calm down a bit, I reckon."  
The second SOLDIER seems a tad less brainless, and comes up with an easy solution. They all grab Elena.  
  
"Hey, you've messed up my hair! OH NO!!" Elena's face fills with fury, and limit fire springs up around her.   
"BITCH'S FURY!!!"  
She attacks all five of the gaurds, beating them up into a pulp quite easily.  
  
"Elena! Where did you get that Limit Break?"  
Tseng seems quite angry.  
  
"Just an AVON catalogue. It only cost us our next 3 months pay."  
  
"What, 600 gil?"  
At 50 gil a month, Rude is as unpaid as the rest of them.  
  
"Yes. And it was worth it too. Now, Rufus, we've got a vacation to go on."  
  
"But didn't you say you spent-"  
Rufus' voice is smothered in the hug that Elena gives him, and she says goodbye quickly and leaves the building. She is joined a couple of moments later by Tseng, Reno, and Rude.  
  
"Hou hugged him!? TRAITOR!!"  
Reno nearly pulps Elena until he remembers he still has no battery power.  
  
"Oh did I?"  
Elena grins slyly and pulls out Rufus' credit card from her breast pocket.  
Tseng laughs.  
"Heee hee hee hee hee"  
  
"Tseng, Hee hee hee is gay. Mwa ha ha ha ha! Laugh with me you gay asses. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"   
  
The Turks finish laughing.  
  
Reno- "You've been taking lessons off Hojo, haven't you Rude?"  
  
--------Scene Change. The Turks are now at Mideel (undestroyed)--------  
  
Elena: "Hey!! There's my chocbo! Quick, Tseng, gimme the greens!"  
  
Tseng hands Elena the greens.  
  
"What do you mean you won't eat, you gay chocobo??"  
  
The stupid pink girl who's always running around with the chocobo-   
"It only eats Mimmett Greens. Man, I wanna sit down. STUPID GODDAMN SQUARESOFT!! YOU PROGRAMMED ME SO I COULDN'T SIT DOWN!!"  
  
"Er, O.K, smile, wink, back away slowly, no sudden movements..."  
Elena is reciting her 'get away from wackos' lesson as she does the actions.  
  
"I don't get it. We got Mimmett Greens, didn't we?"  
  
"Er-" Rude scuffles a foot on the ground.  
"Cheap bastard. Oh well, can't have everything."  
  
At that moment, Cid, Red and Vincent walk into Mideel, obviously going to visit Cloud. Tifa walks out for a second, gives the greens to the chocobo and gets the materia, then walks back in.  
  
"That didn't happen" Elena tries to convince herself of the impossible.  
  
The Turks decide to go shopping. Reno buys new batteries, Rude buys a knuckleduster, Elena buys *makeup*, and Tseng has mysteriously vanished.   
  
Reno- "Let's get some booze!!"  
  
Turks- "YEAH!!"  
  
-Later-  
  
Rude- "Where's Tseng?"  
  
Reno- "Who cares?" He swigs his (6th) beer and sways a bit.  
  
Turks (14th beer)- "La La waysr, fyod asses"  
  
The 'Unnamed' materia Rude bought, and then tried to refund when it didn't work, suddenly lights up.  
The weird green fire flashes around him, and gil rains down.  
  
Reno- "Wheeeee! Gil plus!"  
  
The ground suddenly begins to shake, as Ultima weapon approaches, and it rips open the roof of the bar and peers inside.  
  
Reno sips his beer experimentally.  
  
Reno: "Nope! The booze still tastes great!!"  
  
Rude and Elena: "Reno, this thing is going to possibly kill us! That idiot Cid is late!"  
  
Cid, Vincent and Red XIII run in.  
  
Cid: "Die, you peice of @#$%!!"  
  
He throws his Venus Gospel at it, and it gets stuck up Ultima's nose.  
Red jumps at it, and stabs himself on the Venus Gospel.  
  
Red: "My 45 year long life is flashing before my eyes...."  
  
Cid: "45!! Stop sayin' it like it's a bad thing, ya little @#$%^"  
  
The nurse walks in and carries away Red, leaving Vincent to fight it.  
Ultima lines up for the kick and sends Vincent in the general direction of hell.  
  
Reno: "OH NO!! THE BEER'S GOING BAD!! RUDE, PUNCH IT!!!!"  
  
Rude kicks Ultima's ass by himself, and picks up a crapload of EXP.  
  
Reno: "Rude, you're a lifesaver. Absolutely. The beer's still good."  
  
The Turks return to their table.  
  
Elena: "After this, where're we going?"  
  
Reno: "I vote Icicle Village. After that, Wutai. After that, Gold Saucer. And last but not least, Nibelheim!"  
  
Rude: "You two are both forgetting something."  
  
R & E : "What?"  
  
Rude: "Tseng, maybe?"  
  
Reno: "Tseng?! He'll turn up. He always does."   
Rude: "If you say so, Reno."  
  
--Meanwhile--  
  
Tseng: "Find the Lunar Harp and the forest will let you through... What utter trash. I can find my way through here... I think..."  
  
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Will Tseng ever get out of the sleeping forest?  
  
If Rude keeps on fighting like this, will he gain levels?  
  
Will Cloud survive the lifestream !?again?!  
  
What has happened to Red?  
  
Will Cid get the Venus Gospel back again?  
  
And last but not least, will Reno get over his hangover??  
  
All questions will be answered in the next part of The Turks Vacation.  
Part 2 will be out soon, so please review. It always makes me write faster.  
  
Also Note:  
  
I need to know if I should keep writing or not, so I really need good input. I love humour and hold nothing against any characters in FF7, but as I have said before, my previous site was not very supportive. I guess I'm kinda running back here, as a haven. Please be nice.  



End file.
